im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
