I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
