I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
birth control should be required to get into college
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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