We named our party play list daddy issues
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
