I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
