I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
no you cant smoke seaweed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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