ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
