remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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