worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
