she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
