I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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