She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
