I want to make a zoo with you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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