just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
