i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
