yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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