I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
