you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
