Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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