seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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