It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
