There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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