im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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