Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
