apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
