I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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