Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
