He kissed a someone with a penis
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
