Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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