you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
