MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
