I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
