There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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