the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
