No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
