I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
