take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
