I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
