i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
