There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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