Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
