Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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