called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
