his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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