Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
