i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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