one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
