I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
