We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
