he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
